Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer's Lenni...................On air in 5.4.3.2.1..........................
 | Oh Fuck !!! Yes Good Morning, welcome to JBLPTV News Australia and Worldwide, and quick mention to our sponsor HAIRY CHUFF ...the chuff that has hair....... breaking news in the music world, it is strongly rumoured that UK music entrepeneur Dean "Marshy" Marshall has scored a position with the Mission, it is widely reported as "Marshall caught in Missionary Position"... over to JB in the UK for further news on this ...... |
 | That's it Suzy just keep rubbing it like th...............................Shit, cough....................Err, thanks to Lenni in sunny oz
I can indeed confirm that Marshy will be travelling up and down the UK with Mr Wayne Hussey and co.....................................he has already reported a few teething problems.....................asked what he thought about the tour Marshy replied "this could be Missionary impossible"
HAIRY CHUFF......................Tooth picks to go |
| Sounds like Suzy's on a mission, further news concerning the Mission Uk tour, its seem the band are surrounded in controversy due to the aforementioned Drum technicians antics, the band have decided to make a statement which could be known as ....................The Mission Statement.. |
| Other news coming in, beware of a recent texting scam that is fleecing fans of young bands and more mature musicians, apparently they have been asking people to text in to vote for their favourites with no intention of giving the first prize of a recording contract.................................you have been warned
I'm just hearing of an incident in Coventry ............................Apparently a man has been evicted from his home for noise violation........................his neighbour said, "the whole f***ing house was shaking, he plays that f***ing guitar til all hours", Tony refused to comment
HAIRY CHUFF.................something to get your teeth into |
| As far as the texting scam goes John, sources down under have revealed that this story has no fabrique.........Noise violation in Coventry !!!! it seems a minor earthquake was reported in Japan earlier today but this story does need further "exploreration"...................Its goodnight from JBLPTV Australia..................HAIRY CHUFF.....its chuffin hairy.. |
 | Shit I can only get this programe in Black and White.... |
| HAIRY CHUFF............................................no need to whip it off
5,4,3,2,1.....................OFF AIR......................................................Thank fuck for that |
| I know a bloke, Dean thingybob, ON THE mISSION tOUR alledgedly. |
| Really, that's news to me |
| ON AIR in 5,4,3,2,1................................Quick update on the noise violation story we broadcast earlier, we managed to get an interview with Tony, here's what he had to say............"All men play on ten, but they're a bunch of fags, this goes to eleven"
some of our viewers have been calling in to say that they are only recieving this programme in black and white.............I urge these people to seek medical attention straight away as there must be something wrong with their sight because everythings fine at this end 5,4,3,2,1..............OFF AIR.........................Lenni just put some gaffa tape on the lense it'll be fine
HAIRY CHUFF....................................smells of piss |
 | Here comes Johnny... i'll buy that for a $ you and long lens Lenni should diversify... i mean News and weather is important don't get me wrong but you too would be better off starting a comedy network with your talent...your both a pair of comedians....ere ave i told the one about the mother in law and the.......and it's the way you tell' em you know the score chaps....come on down get into comedy and bring Charlie Corroli with ya......Lol..... |
| ON AIR in 5,4,3,2,1...........................................We are sad to report the passing of the entertainer Jeremy Beadle, he died yesterday after a short illness
In other news.........................Britney Spears has been readmitted to hospital suffering from mental problems............................a spokesman for the hospital said "the stupid bitch is off her fucking head".....................................more later on that story
HAIRY CHUFF.............................................The lady beard |
| And talking of Britney Spears our sponsor Hairy Chuff, is very keen to get Ms Spears to do a photo shoot, Oh cancel that story they got the pics of the net and didn't have to pay the crazy bitch a penny ....
Hairy Chuff ......................Its the taste... |
| Are you influenced by the number 11?..............................That's what scientists are asking today.......................In a study undertaken by Dr Eric Fucklewitt at Scunthorpe University it was revealed that people with an unhealthy obsession with the number 11 usually belong to a very dangerous cult...................................The CCC (Coventry counting crew) are believed to be responsible for unspeakable crimes to humanity. The self proclaimed leader of the CCC is believed to have a number 11 tattooed in roman numerals somewhere on his body.........................Any information about this person should be given to Seargent Arthur Cock at Coventry CID, it will be treated with the strictist confidence
HAIRY CHUFF..........................Tickles your nose |
| len77 wrote on Jan 31, edited on Jan 31 Very interesting story John, it has led me to do some research myself on the number 11..and here it is
11 (eleven) is the natural number following 10 and preceding 12. It is the first number which cannot be represented by a human counting his or her eight fingers and two thumbs additively (although it can be represented in a variety of other ways using human bodily parts, such as counting additively with the twenty digits including the toes, using the thumb to count the finger phalanges of one hand additively up to twelve, or using the fingers in one hand to count up to fifteen binarily). Eleven is the smallest positive integer requiring three syllables in English, and it is also the largest prime number with a single-morpheme name in this language (although etymologically the word eleven originated from a Germanic compound *ainlif meaning "one left" [1]
How boring was that ?????
HAIRY CHUFF .......Smells like fish |
| I ain't laughed so much in ages.... couugh I nearly choked on my sandwich at work......lmfao |
| Sports news...........................David Beckham has been left out of the England squad for their next friendly, this leaves him with 99 English caps, he is quoted as saying "to get 100 caps would be fantastic"......................greedy twat, my Dad has had the same cap since he started working darn pit when he was a lad.......................................100 caps indeed
HAIRY CHUFF...............lap it up |
| Yeah but your dad looks so much better than that pillock balancing 99 caps on his head.... |
| Err this is a news channel.. are we on air ??? |
| Fuck, shit, bollocks..........................err.............................over to you Lenni
WE WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INTERFERENCE THAT MAY HAVE OCCURRED, IT IS DOWN TO A TECHNICAL FAULT WITH THE DECONFIBRULATOR
HAIRY CHUFF..............................Sit on me face n I'll guess yer weight |
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| Lenni................Lenni........................LENNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII |
| Time for a break... Anyone for a Kwikcrap |
| What no news?!!??! No News is Good News..... |
| News just in... Pensioners need to be careful when having sex...make sure they use a condom.... |
| The high winds are causing terrible damage the length and breadth of the UK, a ferry ran aground at Blackpool earlier today after being hit by a freak wave, we interviewed one of the clearly shook passengers, here's what he had to say "cud er u pliz tel mi vere za benefitz offiz iz pliz".........................we gave him and his 12 children directions and off they went............................more later |
| It's took my breath away... |
| No.............. I was talking about the "weatherman" trying to muscle in on my news slot .... |
| JB do ya know what the weather will be like on the 14th of Feb..... we will be in the middle of the North sea!!!
Ps... Do ya know Marshy's address, so we can drop by and raid his fridge sleep in his bed etc... in Hull while he is on a Mission???!?
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| Warmish here today and sun shining |
 | Gonna be holed up in a recording studio all day today, any chance of that snow 'other' less reputable weather forecasters promised? |
| This is the bloody NEWS channel..................................something wrong with your remotes |
| What no fuckin News today.... What the fuck is going on.... I tune in and get fuck all .... and not even in B& W....... Hic.....Hic |
| Its seems an outbreak of senile dimentia has been detected in the Coventry area of the UK, it seems to be effecting ageing failed rock wannabe's and symptoms start with an inability to differentiate between news and weather channels..... |
| hello.. Good Morning.... Seems to be an outbreak of hangover's in the Coventry area this morning.... |
| Here's some breaking news from the Coventry area....... C@cks^cking sound engineer Ash Hannis due to get kicking of his life after stiffing Kifaru in their long booked recording session, resulting in said band being ensconced in a recording studio all day Saturday until 10am on Sunday with no chance to leave until Studio owner came back. Ash (short for Asshole) was not available for comment. We know this cos we rang the c@nt several times ............ |
| A great bit of reporting there from our very talented but obviously irate freelance reporter..............................a quick update, we managed to get a comment from Mr Hannis "I heard a weather report on the only weather channel worth bothering with, that's Johnny Bs weather report, it's never wrong and was predicting severe weather so I decided to stay in bed and now I'm shitting myself with all these threats of violence, the drummer is a phsyco and knocks about with some geezer called Ripper Rothwell.............I'm fucked"
We'll keep you updated on this one folks
HAIRY CHUFF...................................The real woman's only choice |
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Shit I can only get this programe in Black and White.... 
